When Leigh and Genna get off the plane the smell of Pizza Hut rolls out from the corridor. Foam footed people loaf around, a croc for every man, woman and child. The most common "designer" bag is Timbuk2. Not one person is visibly smoking a cigarette (or any other rolled substance for that matter). And, despite the junk this trip has packed into their already round trunks, they are, for once, two of the smaller women in sight. This must be the U.S. of A.
When the biographic movie comes out this would be the point where you get a video montage down memory lane. Cue the music, a little bit alty but not too sappy, perhaps some Dusty Springfield.
Srinagar, Kashmir - Leigh and Genna huddle around a bucket filled with delicious embers as snow falls on the silently frozen Dal Lake. Later that week the girls make friends with some fine young men and a little tike named Ruman. To the tune of the most captivating call to prayer, they try not to cause too much trouble...aside from almost running into that frantic white horse while driving the Deluxe Ambassador. Oops.
Cherrapunjee, Meghalaya India - The rain pours down and despite what nice coverage the elephant ear banana leaf provides they will be soaked upon returning to the little Khasi village where a diminutive and kind woman waits with tea and biscuits.
Nairobi, Kenya - The airport is their holding tank but their money is worthless. The girls curl up under KenyaAir blankets while civil strife wages outside in the city.
Doha, Qatar - A nice nap on a not so nice floor and several rounds through the enormous duty free mall is all these girls get to know about the small nation in Southwest Asia. Which leaves them wondering, how did Qatar Airways master the art of incredible airline food?
M'Hamid, Morocco -Leigh wanders the cool sands after a late night trip to the "outhouse" ends in confusion. As she mounts one dune after another, arriving at each tree only to realize that this is not where her tent is pitched, terror informs her that there might just be a black hole in this desert. Meanwhile Genna busies herself preparing the meanest American style spaghetti this desert has ever seen. Mohammed, the chamellier (camel man) and Humza (guide, AKA "The Eyes") are dually impressed.
Salamanca, Spain - The girls pulse to the surprisingly infectious sounds of the man spinning the records. Above them the black night provides a backdrop against which the glowing inflated tentacles look their most menacing. No matter, just keep dancing...til 6:30 AM!
Anadia, Portugal - At the back of the Free, Informative and Artistic Bairrada Wine Museum Leigh and Genna break out their most gourmet dinner so far: tuna fish mixed with corn and red peppers and a jar of garbonzo beans. They make a messy mixture and look across the School of Viticulture's grape vines that surround the sunny building. Later some rabble rousing Portuguese men will win them over on roast suckling pig (leitao) and the unrivaled pinch of the Baga grape's red tinto. These carousers will also convince them that it might be better to spend the night in the car rather than a "free" homestay.
Vienna, Austria - Genna dines on a perfect soft boiled egg served up on one of those fancy egg thingies. Meanwhile, Leigh should know better than to order a bowl of valhrona hot chocolate after she has already polished off a tasty tart au citron. That's ok, they'll get their exercise playing giant sized Foosball at the Eurocup Park in downtown Vienna. GO SPAIN!!!
Kokino, Macedonia - A hippie with a braid trailing out from his tussled head chugs at least a liter of beer before the arrival to one astronomically important bed of celestial knowledge. As it turns out, his English is nearly flawless after the third beer and several hours later the two girls know just about everything about the 4th greatest ancient observatory in the world. Remarkably, the tie dye wearing grunger also has catalogued knowledge on the fabulous frescoes that are preserved in an old orthodox church nearby. Did you know that the frescoes on church walls are always painted in three levels with each level containing a certain theme? And you can see it personally if you happen to come upon a hidden, unlocked old church late at night with an archaeologist.
Sofia, Bulgaria - Leigh and Genna, after once being ripped off by Bulgarian money exchanger, decide they can walk to the center of the city in the 90 Degree heat with their packs. While the view of the old Communist buildings and beautiful cobbled roads is unrivaled, the heat makes a rest in the very popular central park necessary. An abandoned cucumber now rests there in their memory. At the airport, they pile into a bus with the rest of the lemmings, wait for five minutes for the stragglers to get it and then feel like idiots when the bus carts them the whole fifty meters from the terminal to the airplane.
Amsterdam, Netherlands - Leigh gets a quick lesson from the guy at Homegrown Fantasy who also makes a great cappuccino. Again, Genna wants salty and Leigh craves sweet. The girls decide that when Asians and decriminalized marijuana get together their is an automatic symbiotic market. Which came first the marijuana or the Chinese food?
Montage fade out.
Leigh and Genna, are warned that they may not be allowed onto the plane unless they are dressed appropriately for business class. Strung out and a little stinky the girls change into a compilation of new clothes with a double layer of disintegrating deodorant in hopes that they can fool the friendly KLM staff, who indirectly but ruthlessly interogates them about drug smuggling- "do you have anything on you that you shouldn't have?".
Booya.
On the biography the music crescendos while a smellier, wiser and chunkier pair walks right on through customs, beaming as they make their way to their Rocky Mountain home. The audience might even get a little teary eyed, or a little annoyed.
