Thursday, July 24, 2008

And what do you have to say for yourself?

We have seen much on our journey, from awe-inspiring sites to animal cruelty to family feasts to devastating poverty to overwhelming hospitality. After many serious (sometimes not-so-serious) discussions about what we will tell people and it has come down to one thing from which all else erupts-

If our story has to end in a moral it is this: the good in the world greatly outweighs the bad. Faith in that is the best that we can succinctly believe in, assert and encourage. It is the best truth that we can bring home from our adventure around the world.

So until next time, as two great fellow travellers once said:

BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER
AND
PARTY ON, DUDES!

6 months and 1 day later

When Leigh and Genna get off the plane the smell of Pizza Hut rolls out from the corridor. Foam footed people loaf around, a croc for every man, woman and child. The most common "designer" bag is Timbuk2. Not one person is visibly smoking a cigarette (or any other rolled substance for that matter). And, despite the junk this trip has packed into their already round trunks, they are, for once, two of the smaller women in sight. This must be the U.S. of A.


When the biographic movie comes out this would be the point where you get a video montage down memory lane. Cue the music, a little bit alty but not too sappy, perhaps some Dusty Springfield.


Srinagar, Kashmir - Leigh and Genna huddle around a bucket filled with delicious embers as snow falls on the silently frozen Dal Lake. Later that week the girls make friends with some fine young men and a little tike named Ruman. To the tune of the most captivating call to prayer, they try not to cause too much trouble...aside from almost running into that frantic white horse while driving the Deluxe Ambassador. Oops.


Cherrapunjee, Meghalaya India - The rain pours down and despite what nice coverage the elephant ear banana leaf provides they will be soaked upon returning to the little Khasi village where a diminutive and kind woman waits with tea and biscuits.


Nairobi, Kenya - The airport is their holding tank but their money is worthless. The girls curl up under KenyaAir blankets while civil strife wages outside in the city.


Doha, Qatar - A nice nap on a not so nice floor and several rounds through the enormous duty free mall is all these girls get to know about the small nation in Southwest Asia. Which leaves them wondering, how did Qatar Airways master the art of incredible airline food?


M'Hamid, Morocco -Leigh wanders the cool sands after a late night trip to the "outhouse" ends in confusion. As she mounts one dune after another, arriving at each tree only to realize that this is not where her tent is pitched, terror informs her that there might just be a black hole in this desert. Meanwhile Genna busies herself preparing the meanest American style spaghetti this desert has ever seen. Mohammed, the chamellier (camel man) and Humza (guide, AKA "The Eyes") are dually impressed.


Salamanca, Spain - The girls pulse to the surprisingly infectious sounds of the man spinning the records. Above them the black night provides a backdrop against which the glowing inflated tentacles look their most menacing. No matter, just keep dancing...til 6:30 AM!


Anadia, Portugal - At the back of the Free, Informative and Artistic Bairrada Wine Museum Leigh and Genna break out their most gourmet dinner so far: tuna fish mixed with corn and red peppers and a jar of garbonzo beans. They make a messy mixture and look across the School of Viticulture's grape vines that surround the sunny building. Later some rabble rousing Portuguese men will win them over on roast suckling pig (leitao) and the unrivaled pinch of the Baga grape's red tinto. These carousers will also convince them that it might be better to spend the night in the car rather than a "free" homestay.


Vienna, Austria - Genna dines on a perfect soft boiled egg served up on one of those fancy egg thingies. Meanwhile, Leigh should know better than to order a bowl of valhrona hot chocolate after she has already polished off a tasty tart au citron. That's ok, they'll get their exercise playing giant sized Foosball at the Eurocup Park in downtown Vienna. GO SPAIN!!!


Kokino, Macedonia - A hippie with a braid trailing out from his tussled head chugs at least a liter of beer before the arrival to one astronomically important bed of celestial knowledge. As it turns out, his English is nearly flawless after the third beer and several hours later the two girls know just about everything about the 4th greatest ancient observatory in the world. Remarkably, the tie dye wearing grunger also has catalogued knowledge on the fabulous frescoes that are preserved in an old orthodox church nearby. Did you know that the frescoes on church walls are always painted in three levels with each level containing a certain theme? And you can see it personally if you happen to come upon a hidden, unlocked old church late at night with an archaeologist.


Sofia, Bulgaria - Leigh and Genna, after once being ripped off by Bulgarian money exchanger, decide they can walk to the center of the city in the 90 Degree heat with their packs. While the view of the old Communist buildings and beautiful cobbled roads is unrivaled, the heat makes a rest in the very popular central park necessary. An abandoned cucumber now rests there in their memory. At the airport, they pile into a bus with the rest of the lemmings, wait for five minutes for the stragglers to get it and then feel like idiots when the bus carts them the whole fifty meters from the terminal to the airplane.


Amsterdam, Netherlands - Leigh gets a quick lesson from the guy at Homegrown Fantasy who also makes a great cappuccino. Again, Genna wants salty and Leigh craves sweet. The girls decide that when Asians and decriminalized marijuana get together their is an automatic symbiotic market. Which came first the marijuana or the Chinese food?


Montage fade out.

Leigh and Genna, are warned that they may not be allowed onto the plane unless they are dressed appropriately for business class. Strung out and a little stinky the girls change into a compilation of new clothes with a double layer of disintegrating deodorant in hopes that they can fool the friendly KLM staff, who indirectly but ruthlessly interogates them about drug smuggling- "do you have anything on you that you shouldn't have?".

Booya.

On the biography the music crescendos while a smellier, wiser and chunkier pair walks right on through customs, beaming as they make their way to their Rocky Mountain home. The audience might even get a little teary eyed, or a little annoyed.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Not much time yet...

As we have but one day left in the temperamental weathered Netherlands we will leave the details for later. But for now, what are we gonna jump on when we get home?:

Genna: Happy Hours. I want to be out by 5, drunk by 7 and in bed by 9.

Leigh: Planet Earth (English version), on someone else's HD TV of course.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

50 Euros 30 minutes

Coming from the red light district in Utrecht Genna and Leigh have developed a few crucial questions about the minivan driving soccer dads and the scantily clad whip wielding women:

1. Are they flat rates or are prices negotiated based on the customer vs. lady of the night?
2. Who exactly wields the dildos in the window?
3. What is in that sandwich she seems to be enjoying so much in the window?

But really, Genna and Leigh have been cruising the red light district wondering whether it would be allowed to pay our way into an interview with one of these fine ladies. And yes, they are smokin' hot.

As for what makes us smokin' hot (under the collar) for home:

1. Leigh: King Soop's and the array of 24 hour awesomeness that reigns for Colorado munchers such as herself.
2. Genna: Screw the supermarket - Delivery. Be this pizza, chinese, or cookies and milk. She can get anything she wants when she wants, and brought right to my door.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Pance Part Deux

This countdown to home is brought to you by Pance's pants which Genna and Leigh are both lounging in due to the unkindly forecasts in rainy Utrecht.

Genna: Cannot wait to watch crappy movies in the middle of the afternoon at her mother's house where no one will make fun of her for watching Love Actually in the middle of July (did you know that she saw Titanic 7 times in the theatre).

Leigh: On a day like today Leigh cannot wait to get back to overhead instant hot water showers... even the really shitty low flow kind.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Sadly Saying Goodbye to...

Goodbye enterprising gypsies recycling bottles with their horse drawn carriages. Goodbye old men drinking rakja at any hour of the day next to Pance's apartment. Goodbye our favorite one of Skopje's 20,000 stray dogs: the one with the bat-dog ears and Ewok face (he's the smallest of the pack but the king of the neighborhood). Goodbye fruit that dribbles just the right amount. Goodbye Lupjco popping peas in nothing but his underwear. Goodbye 80 year old grandma milking a goat to serve us milk and honey on a hungover morning. Goodbye Fast Food 7 and their highly efficient french fry piling system. Goodbye shopska salad (only to be considered shopska if it has peppers AND onions in addition the basic cucumbers, tomatoes and the cheese we purchase by asking, "shopska cheese?"). Goodbye hearing bravo as it was meant to be said. Goodbye afternoon ice cream and boza, that pre-beer yeasty mystery. Goodbye to rakja and those boys who are crazy enough to spike their beer with it. Goodbye gypsy children with their sun-tanned skin and ember eyes bathing in the river (or the awesome public water fountains). Goodbye our favorite geeky (but smokin' hot) couple. Goodbye Nescafe ladno that is never as ladno as you'd like. Goodbye Ayjvar - that delicious red pepper goop that simply must be homemade. Goodbye occasional and nostalgic squat toilet. Goodbye Kafana food and trying to order it without translators. Goodbye tomatoes the size of oxes' hearts (don't worry, they're biologic). Goodbye spaghetti-armed women outfitted in dresses that should be shirts and heels that could be lethal weapons. Goodbye 22 year old boy, who despite having bruises from his last run-in with the cops, cleans up your apartment quiet as a mouse while you sleep off your drunkenness. Goodbye homemade juice. Goodbye an entire country of people who leap to pay the bill. Goodbye people who will not hesitate to find your Turkish coffee (a mainstay in any house) and make it for you. Goodbye smoking cigarettes where it will not get you condemned to social hell. Goodbye radiant girl who is willing to track down a car, driver, archaeologist and smorgasbord of beer and snacks to watch the sunset over NASA's 4th finest. Goodbye to Macedonia and all the friends that have made it the beautiful, fun, hospitable and f*^$ing hot place it is - we will never forget you!

Count down to home cont...

Leigh: Cannot wait to get some real bean coffee e.g. a latte with microfoam and some free-pour latte art, a cappuccino that follows the rule of thirds and does not come with a wad of hydrogenated soy coagulate atop it, a macchiato with a dollop of foam, an iced toddy made from real fresh-roasted (and dare I say Conscious Coffee) beans, and most of all a thick, heavy raw-milk breve.



Genna: Her vibrator (no further explanation necessary).

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Macedonian Fun Quotient

A recent realization we made while drinking beers in the park, is that while Macedonians truly know how to have a good time (and to much better music), it seems that, compared with Americans, they spread their fun in thinner layers. Just like our preferred way of consuming dairy, plopping tablespoons of butter atop all-American pancakes, we Americans try to consume a vast quantity of alcohol between the hours of 10 and 2 after which we all pass out and swear off that sort of fun for another 3 to 5 days.

Macedonians, however, shred reasonable amounts of fresh cheese atop cucumber and tomato shopska salads. They also drink from 9 at night until 6 in the morning, talking, dancing, drinking then talking some more and loitering until one strung-out person deigns to part ways for a limited 3 hours of dozing until work the very same day. The next day they do it again.

So it seems, as might be characteristic in many ways that we live, we condense our fun into little pockets of binge fun, while Macedonians spread theirs thin and long. We wonder, what's better: the inclined plane or the vertical jump? Take your pick.

Countdown to home cont.

Leigh: Cannot wait to fill a cup up with ice and pour a beverage over it. Did you know that makes it cold?

Genna: Wants to plug into her ipod, put it on shuffle and rock out with her c*&#k out.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Countdown to Home

Horizon's a comin' and Genna and Leigh would like to let all of you know the things that we absolutely fantasize about on a daily basis as that fateful day approaches. So, for the rest of our journey we thought we might clue you in daily on those things we just cannot wait to get our hands, tongues, eyes, ears or netherregions involved with.

1. Genna --> Big Spacious Roomy Wooden Cutting Boards: I am going to chop, slice and mince everything I can get my hands on.

1. Leigh --> Cracked Pepper: Oh baby, what it will feel like to get my hands on that grinder and feel the kernels crunch beneat my grip. This is closely followed by the gritty feeling of sea salt between my fingers.

The More You Know...(* <--shooting star)

Did you know that Barak Obama supports Greece in their veto over Macedonia's attempts to join the EU despite the fact that Macedonia has changed its name to the F.Y.R.O.M., does not make a territorial claim to any part in Greece, and has changed its flag from the Vergina Sun to look more like a vent. All this to please a country that is acting like a child who has a toy it refuses to play with but refuses to let anyone else play with it either. (enter the more you know musical diddy - da da da da)

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Much ado on pictures...

Did you know that Macedonia has the 4th most important ancient observatory as ranked by NASA. Now let's get back to that plastic liter of beer.
Tina and Leigh get funky at Hard Rock.. We danced until dawn, literally. Tina's dormant moves were just waiting to be expressed.
This is the second time we have had a very legitimate opportunity to take an American Gothic photo. But check out those authentic pitchforks.
This is probably an 8th of what we collected in one weekend. Probably the only time a raspberry pie became a financially feasible option. Just don't tell anyone here that you have made an "American Pie" or they may want to "plug something in it."
Fun with the family in the apricot orchards. Until that bee decided it had more right to the territory than Leigh did.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

How to Brace Yourself for Macedonia

Macedonia is a beautiful country where Genna and Leigh feel very much at home. However, as in any foreign land, there are some things that one must grow accustomed to coming from a nation such as our own.

1. Invariably, upon arriving at a house, apartment, or party you will be asked if you have had Rakia, or Macedonian moonshine. Even if the answer is, "Yes, and I think it tastes like nail polish remover." The host's homemade version is insistently superior than the last 4 homemade versions you have had to choke down. The host will then pour you a "small" serving of the puissant distillation, but not one for his or herself. When asked why the host will not have a glass as well the reply comes, "No, it is too strong." They will also probably warn you that, as it is the middle of the day, you probably should not go outside in the "50 degree" (roughly 122 ferenheit) heat for a few hours because you might pass out.

And down the hatch it goes. Apparently a fabulous salad accompaniment.

2. Make 1 friend in Macedonia and you immediately have 15, including a nightlife scene, a a swimming companion, a burek-eating buddy, a hairdresser, an archeologist tour guide, and a pilades partner.

3. As per #2 if you need anything in Macedonia (be it brown sugar and oats or a phone, dvd player, laptop or car and chauffuer) you got it - front door delivery from friend #6's cousin's sister who has passed it down the grapevine and hauled it across town right up to your buzzer.

4. This is an important one: They are right. You are wrong. Period.

Examples:

a) Despite the fact that the citizens in Skopje constantly tell you Serbian words when asked for the names of things (ie. ice, never), the city's language in NO WAY has a Serbian influence or uses any Serbian words.

b) Hot feet or other body parts on a cold tile floor WILL kill you - so will swimming in the lake, watching a thunderstorm from a porch, or leaving the door or window open for a summer breeze to pass through --> BEWARE THE PROMIA (this may sound like and be treated as a medieval monster but it is, in fact, just a draft).

c) Despite the 20th annual report of the California Research Advisory Panel (1990) (see http://druglibrary.org/schaffer) and the giant bold SMOKING KILLS advisory on the outside of all packs, 2 packs of cigarettes a day is healthier than smoking 2 joints a day. (P.S. And no, they are not addicted to cigarettes, they just like to smoke them in chains morning til night, but they can stop whenever they want.)

d) The car will not start and the engine will not even attempt to turn over.

Genna and Leigh listen and comment, "It sounds like an electrical problem; we should try to push start the car and throw it into first to get it started."

Silly Americans, they think, we will wait for the taxi driver to come back and help us. Ten minutes later the taxi driver arrives. After several minutes of trying to start the car he explains the process of push starting the car which we then do, successfully.

Genna and Leigh then warn, "Do not stop the car, or park it at the top of a hill if we must, until we have a chance to fix the problem."

Again, silly girls.

Oh what's that Mr. Taxi Driver?

Right, we shouldn't stop the car, or we should park it on a hill if we must.


5. Macedonian club music, whether it be trance, house or American is ALWAYS better than American club music.

6. Despite the fact that scantily clad women abound and are clearly better looking than their male counterparts, you will be treated with respect. If you are coming from a country such as India or Morocco you may find this lack of harassment extremely odd and even unsettling.

7. It is NOT possible to get sick of fresh tomato cucumber salads topped with cheese and it IS possible to eat a kilo of cherries or peaches every day for a week (and for less than 1 euro a day).

8. Yes, their veggies and fruits ARE delicious, but beware, you may get tired of being lectured on how your food tastes like plastic while everything they eat is "biologic" [as said lecturer flicks his cigarette into the mountain stream where you fill your water bottles].


9. The first thing that will happen to you when you walk into someone's house is that you will be offered food. Too full, you don't need to eat? With a perplexed and offended look on their face, they will ask you accusatorily "why not?" And so, sick with food already, you eat more. The second thing that happens...

"All Americans so fat!"

10. The clutches of kindness in which we have been seized are, at times, overwhelming. But without the wonderful Macedonians, who all think that their country is equally rich in culture, history and F@#%ing UNESCO sites (including 365 churches - one for every day of the year) , we would be lost, tired, hungry, dirty and probably sleeping in a car somewhere in Europe. We cannot express how much we love them, and are surprised by how much they seem to love us.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Homemade

Leigh's eye is almost swollen shut where a delicious looking bubble has shoved my cheek up into what used to be my eye socket. On the other hand, Genna and Leigh have dazzled the world with our superior cobbler and crumble making skills, possess two bottles of dense syrupy fruit juice and have a bucket full of apricots to dry over the course of the next week. Was it worth it to threaten the bee box in dangerous proximity to the sweet nectars of the farm? Damn right it was!

It all started when we, incidentally, went to see a man about a bee. And it all ended hungover in a raspberry bush at 8:30 in the morning...